Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
