there's paper in my vomit.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
