My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
