Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
