I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
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I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
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I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.