I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?