Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
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how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
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You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?