dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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