I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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