I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
