brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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