She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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