apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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