It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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