u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
