So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Less talking, more tequila
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
