there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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