my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
