I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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