Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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