just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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