Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
