peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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