my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
