better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
