you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize