I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
