This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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