I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
