Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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