I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
