Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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