so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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