I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
