the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
