I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If I die, sorry about rent.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
