I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
