Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
