I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
