I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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