I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
