I'm so fucking centered right now
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
