got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
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Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
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He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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