Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
