Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
