I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
