This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
