Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
