Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
