how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I supernannyed him into submission
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
