I skipped work to stalk him.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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