It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
