i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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