Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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