i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
