First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
What drink are we having for lunch?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
