i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
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Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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