I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
