I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
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Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
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is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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