its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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