I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
